Compassionate Listening

Compassionate Listening
Authored by Matthew Mitlas

When we take part in a community, there is a mutual understanding that everyone is there for each other. Each person supports another in his/her own way. It can sometimes be difficult to figure out the best way for one to help or support another in times of both distress and celebration. There is a beautiful practice called Compassionate Listening to help guide us through these times.
In today’s world, there are very seldom times when one truly listens as the other is speaking. In fact, we tend to listen only to gauge our responses to the other. Looking deeply into this habitually one-sided way of communication, we see that no healing or progress can truly result because we are not stepping fully into the opportunity to listen and be with ourselves and with the other to whom we are speaking. Communication is supposed to help bring healing, change, and progress. Take a look at the following practice which will help you get the most out of communicating with others.
In Compassionate Listening there is one speaker and one listener and a period of time. The roles are clearly defined: The speaker speaks, the listener listens, and the time passes until it is up. The two sit in front of each other and take a moment to center and breathe. As they become acquainted with the present moment, they choose roles and begin the exercise. Sometimes you can hold hands with your partner, especially if this is practiced between two people in a relationship. While the speaker is talking, his/her eyes are closed and they verbalize their steady conscious thoughts. They do not filter or sensor any thoughts, feelings, or sensations. Whatever comes up, in essence, just is. The speaker’s job is to speak. The listener, on the other hand, sits before the speaker and listens and absorbs what they are saying with the utmost respect and compassion for the speaker’s experience. The speaking continues until the listener calls “time up.” There is no processing, judging, interpreting, or analyzing. The listener’s job is to listen. Reverse roles when finished.
This exercise grows as you practice it more and more. The speaker and listener will both find challenges and, as they are rooted in the present moment, they will see the challenges, meet them with awareness and compassion, and continue to return to their active duty as a speaker or a listener. Although this is a more formal exercise, you can take ideas from this and begin to incorporate them in your daily life. When someone is speaking to you; sharing with you, learn to breathe with their thoughts and words and to absorb what they are saying on every level. Be there for the other. When you are speaking or sharing with another, let your words be honest and truthful; rooted in the present awareness of your own feelings, thoughts, and ideas.
Both speaker and listener benefit themselves and each other during compassionate listening. Try it out with someone close to you and watch as the relationship blossoms into truth, honesty, and simplicity!

This article was inspired by information in the article “CO-LISTENING”, authored by Master Yoga Teacher Constance Miller.

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