Chis Coral, the Big Reefer

     Not far from shore, Christopher, a young hard coral, had a dream about building a giant coral reef, bigger than any reef ever built by any coral colony in the history of the Pacific Ocean.  A big reef would stabilize the nearby island shoreline; promote mangrove trees and sea grasses to grow inviting the tiny fish coral eat for food, and protect the coastal zone from storms and from human visitors.  After drawing up the plans himself, realizing the enormous scope of the work, Christopher decided that his colony would not be enough.  He needed to hire help.  After making inquiries he learned that many laborers had organized themselves into unions. 

     Christopher sought bids from union contractors: Electric Eels, Mudskippers, Hammerheads, and others.  He was simply astounded to discover the Pacific’s unionized work force takes away roughly 55 shrimp an hour - a little more than twice as many as the typical Pacific worker makes, benefits included. But then adding benefits for retired union workers -fixed costs regardless of how many coral reefs get made - and dividing these costs by the total hours of the current work force, to get a figure of around 15 shrimp per hour – Christopher realized these union laborers would end up costing him 70 shrimp per hour!  Outrageous!  He’d heard persistent rumors that their quality wasn’t nearly as good as workers from the Indian Ocean and South China Seas.  Why, he asked himself should he pay for a bunch of retired eels and sharks and mudskippers with whom he had zero business?  Christopher sent speedy-swimming barracudas to get bids from non-union contractors in other oceans and seas.

     While he waited for the returning barracudas, Christopher rounded up his colony and they started building what everyone referred to as “The Big Reef.” A shark spotted Christopher with a hammer in his tentacle; together with his pack he swam over and they surrounded Christopher.  “Drop that hammer!" snarled the shark.  "This is our shoreline, Coral-kid.  Nobody builds a thing without using our labor.”

     Christopher’s jaw dropped (if you could call it a jaw; more like a gelatinous orifice).  He shook his head.  “Now wait just a minute,” he said, bubbles rapidly rising.  “You can’t obstruct commerce!  Union violence and union extortion are crimes.  You don’t scare me!”  With that, the sharks descended upon little Christopher, leaving him beaten and bloodied.  They also destroyed what little progress the colony had made on the Big Reef. Brave and clever little Christopher, instead of feeling intimidated by these awful bullies, laid there calmly weighing his options.  The sharks, wearing huge satisfied toothy grins, turned to swim away.  “Get smart, Coral-kid.  We gave millions of shrimp to King Kenyan to help him defeat King Neptune in the last election, and millions more to senators and judges.  Nobody’s going to convict us of any crimes,” he said, and the other hammerheads snickered.  “One last thing: if we see any scabs (non-union laborers from the Indian Ocean and South China Sea) we’ll beat them back home so fast their stupid heads will swim.”

     He called over a few more barracuda.  “Go round up some Orca (killer whales) and Great White sharks.  Promise them all the juicy shrimp they can eat if they just swim circles around our reef while we build it,” he said, and the barracudas split off into several directions, swimming away at blinding speed.

      Soon, the reef was bustling with activity and growing very quickly thanks to the highly skilled, disciplined laborers from other seas.  Many Orcas circled happily and ate their fill of shrimp.  Soon mangrove trees and grasses grew and a sophisticated and harmonious free market emerged along the shoreline.  The local Hammerheads and Electric Eels and Mudskippers stood outside looking in, hungry and bitter and resentful of Christopher and his successful venture, the Big Reef.

To what am I entitled?  Work?  Does our nation owe me a job?  Free products and services?  Health insurance, a pension, a house, car, cell phone, a haircut? If I believe that and vote for it I will end up with less than I ever thought possible - a historical and economic certainty.  If I want a better job with better pay and benefits, I must work hard and work smart.  But first I will vote for leaders who stand out of the way of entrepreneurs and the hardest working among us; those who encourage the starters and growers of businesses and wealth.  There is one party with a successful fiscal platform and a proven track record of creating good jobs.                                                                                                                                              

I Vote Republican.